I had forgotten how much I love this song (there's an instrumental version on the lullaby CD that K and I listen to as I rock her to sleep)...and now that I'm a mom, for whatever reason it almost always brings me to tears. Maybe it's just because it's such a wistful song, or that it seems to remind me that this innocence (of childhood) won't last. But now I just want to bawl every time I hear it. Who knew. And now it has an additional significance: I can't help wondering what will be on the other side of August, September, and October. Those three months represent my "window" for trying for baby number two. I really want--and need--to time a pregnancy for a summer delivery. August is definitely the preferred month to conceive, since it will give me the bulk of the summer off to enjoy a new little one without resorting to maternity leave. September and October will still work, but I would deliver later in the summer. At this point I am 100 percent resolved to go for it and see what happens. If it doesn't happen for me during those three months, would I try again next year? Not sure...but I know I don't need to decide that right now.
What I know for sure is the fact that I really want a sibling for K, and that two little ones will make my family complete. At this point our donor is still available, but I do wonder what I will decide if he is not in August. Would I be okay with picking a different donor? I definitely plan on calling the clinic SOON to set up a consultation with my RE (to find out what hoops I will need to jump through--again--in order to have more iui's), so once I have that consultation, I'm pretty sure I can just have the sperm delivered without facing storage fees. At least that's what I'm hoping. It's a big decision...one I've been pondering basically since K was born 15 months ago. I keep imagining what it might be like to be pregnant AND be caring for her at the same time, and I keep coming to the same conclusion that it's something I can definitely do. Hard, yes, but doable nonetheless. Having a newborn and a two-year-old will undoubtedly be the greatest challenge I'll face so far in my life, but again, I really think I can do it. Well, most of the time, anyway! And with some help, for sure. After K was born my mom flew in and stayed with us for a full month, and it was so appreciated. I can't imagine that she wouldn't be willing to do the same again. And after a few weeks, K and I got into our groove and the rest is history. A new normal, as they say. We'd need to find a new normal with two, for sure. The pondering will continue, I know, and I'll keep you posted as this thought process evolves. :)
