Can't hardly believe it...

I cried today. (Yeah, I know, NO surprise there!!)

But interestingly enough, it wasn't over the unfathomably unprofessional way I was treated by the principal and the secretaries this morning. (No, sorry, it wasn't just the hormones. In the five years I've been working at my school, I have NEVER been treated that way, and never as publicly. I would have reacted exactly the same had I not been pregnant. Yes, really.)

Nope, I am just incredibly ecstatic for two of my friends, who are now pregnant. Both L. and S. have been trying for OVER THREE YEARS respectively, and I don't think I could be any happier for them!! I knew I was going to bawl (well, I didn't exactly bawl, but close) when S. was finally able to say she and her husband K. are pregnant...even sitting here right now, I can't even believe it's finally happened for them! I know it's been so hard for both L. and S., watching several of us at my school achieve pregnancy when that was the elusive thing they yearned for the most. I've been there. I know how it feels. Since last spring I'm pregnant girl #4, with L. and S. numbers five and six. And L. followed in my footsteps, right down to using the same fertility clinic and sperm bank. (Yeah, I know I mentioned her in the last two posts, but I'm so excited for her!) But both of them pregnant? At the same time?? I must be dreaming!! If I am, it's one of the best dreams I've ever had. :)

So now I need to pray as hard as I can that their pregnancies will stick. Fingers and toes: crossed.

Gratitude

Okay, I admit it: I'm a thief. I stole this idea from the coolest smart girl I know, Melissa, and I'm going to run with it because I feel like my last few posts have been such downers!

So here goes: these are just a few things I'm grateful for, in no particular order...

• My friend L might just be pregnant!!!!! See my previous post for some of the particulars. I get permagrin every time I think about it! Another SMC-to-be who will be pregnant at the same time I am, we can trade off information, advice, and babysitting favors, you get the idea. SO excited.

• So far, a strong and healthy baby girl. 'Nuff said. That's the biggest one of all.
  

• I get to fly to upstate NY next Tuesday for Thanksgiving with my parents and my aunt and uncle! I haven't been back for six or seven years, so this is kind of long-awaited. Plus I think there's something special about returning to the house I grew up in now that I'm pregnant with my first child...like coming full circle. Mom has been busy washing teeny tiny baby girl clothes for me, and it'll be quite the special experience to go through them together.

• I have such an amazing, incredible extended family here in CO, and I feel SO blessed that they will be such an integral part of my daughter's life. I see them so regularly that they're basically my on-location immediate family. There are very few people that I admire and respect more than this Colorado family...they are so incredibly special to me!

• My new Calphalon Contemporary pans--love love LOVE them! My collection is growing, and it's fun to add to it, piece by piece.

• First snows in Colorado...SO beautiful. And peaceful.

• Little kicks every day!! They're getting stronger. Wow, I so can't wait to meet this little girl. <3

• I think I have her name finalized in my mind. Not sharing (yet), but I absolutely love her first and middle names. Her first name is Irish, but not overly so...the donor is Irish and German, so it works. Plus he's a redhead, and I'm so hoping she'll get some of that, even though I'm pretty sure it's recessive. Her middle name is a variation on my wonderful grandmother's first name, and I love the rhythm of her first, middle, and last names together.

• I've been amazed to receive quite a few gifts lately from my students, today being no exception. :) Today I was thrilled to receive a HANDMADE burp cloth from a girl in one of my classes! She stitched that hem so carefully, and it turned out great! I also received homemade grape jam made by the mom of one of the boys in another of my classes! Eleven-year-olds...they often drive me crazy, but you just gotta love 'em!!

• Hot mulled cider. Turkey sandwiches with cheddar and big slices of tomato. Ice-cold chocolate milk. Just a few of my favorites these days. :)

• ANY episodes of Bones. Re-runs, I don't care. I love every. single. one. Now I need to invest in the DVD box sets...

Okay, so these are just a few of the things I'm thankful for...I know I'll be adding to this list. :)

The circle of life

Wow, the last few days really have felt like a good news/bad news split! No idea why. Which has led me to think harder about the cyclical nature of life...the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, inevitable death followed by new life.

I've been in a bit of a funk today...last night I found out that one of my former students was killed in a one-car rollover crash on Saturday night. I remember him well--one of the brightest kids in his class, and he seemed to have such a promising future. I'm sad that it ended at age 24. He made the decision not to wear his seatbelt that night, and was ejected upon impact. My heart goes out to his parents...I can't imagine what they're going through right now. I'm going to see if I can find out their address so I can send at least a card, letting them know that I remember him and that they're in my thoughts and prayers.

At the very same time...I'm ecstatic! It's looking promising that my friend L might actually be pregnant!!!!!!!!! Once she saw that my diui actually worked (against all odds), she decided to follow the same path that I did, using the same fertility clinic and same sperm bank. Different donor, of course. She got a positive digital HPT last night, about five days before her expected period this Friday. I'm a bit surprised that she could have gotten a BFP so soon before her period, but as far as I've read, false positives are extremely rare, and she did use one of the early-detection varieties of HPT. She was on Clomid, but no other meds that would cause a false HcG reading. So...I am cautiously thrilled for her--I SO hope it turns out the way we're both praying it will!!!! She's 42, and if it did actually work, I can't get over the fact that it may have worked on the very first try. She's going to test again later in the week, and I cannot wait to find out!!!! So glad there seems to be good news to balance out the sad. Tomorrow's another day, as my mom likes to say.

Is it really just hormones?

Nope, I don't think so. I almost titled this mini-post, "Welcome to the rollercoaster" because sometimes that's how things happen, hormones or not.

I'm thrilled for K over at Tails, I Go...she's had so much s**t thrown her way lately, and she completely deserves things to turn around for her, which they seem to be starting to. Congrats on the new place, and I continue to be awed by your strength!

At the same time, my heart is completely broken for another blogger I just "met"...I'm thinking she wants to lay low right now, so I won't identify her. They found no heartbeat at her nine week ultrasound (after she heard it at weeks six and seven), and I honestly don't know how anyone gets through one miscarriage, let alone several. It's so unfair. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Ahhh...

...the kicks are back!!

All is right again in my world.

(Fifteen more weeks!! Can you tell I'm excited?!)

I wish for...

Today I read two posts that brought me to tears, the first of which inspired the title of this post. Mel from Stirrup Queens invited her readers to share some of their deepest wishes, and their wishes were so heartfelt, so earnest, and I immediately wished there were a way to grant each and every one. These wishes ran the gamut from infertility and loss to unemployment and health-related issues. The post really made me stop and think about what truly matters in this life. Take a look...

The second post that made me cry came from a blog I stumbled across via the comments I mentioned above: Tuesday's Hope. I've read several stories of women who have lost babies either at the very end of their pregnancies, or shortly after birth, and they break my heart every time. This blog was no exception, and the saddest part by far is that it seems that this couple's daughter's death might have been avoided, if not for the actions of the hospital in question. Yeah, I know that being pregnant, I have no business reading stories like these, but I sometimes think it can be a positive thing to go into things with your eyes wide open, and to not take anything for granted. Needless to say, it made me sad for the rest of the day, and now I feel rather bothered by the fact that I haven't felt baby girl kick as often or as strongly as I think she usually does. I'm sure it's nothing, but there's definitely a part of me that's freaking out right about now. It's almost like, this pregnancy has been TOO easy and something's destined to go wrong. Crazy talk, I know, but I'm feeling nervous tonight nonetheless.

My wish is a no-brainer: I wish for my baby girl to get through the next fifteen weeks as strong and healthy as she possibly can. (That's all that's left: fifteen weeks! Unreal!)

When boring = stupendous

I must be THE most boring OB patient in the world. Why? Because there is nuthin' goin' on. In the best possible way, thank goodness. Now I can breathe a lil' easier.

• I passed my AFP blood test, which I assumed because I hadn't heard anything. I'm glad I asked at my appointment, just to be sure. It does annoy me, though, that at times the communication seems to be lacking.
  

• I'm at the 58th percentile in growth, which at first didn't sound nearly high enough. But then when Dr. B. explained that the higher the percentile, the bigger the baby, I am SO glad that I'm just about average. No ten-pounders for me. Please.

• Dr. B. made a point of saying that overall I seem to be doing really well. (Why did he sound surprised when he said that?!) I asked about flying to NY for Thanksgiving and to MN for Christmas (it's fine, as long as I wear full-length maternity support hose to help prevent blood clots, drink lots of water, and take a stroll down the aisle every half hour), about gestational diabetes (they do the one-hour glucose test at week 28), and about my swollen cankles (my blood pressure has always been good, so they are considering it normal, considering how much I have to be on my feet at work).

• Baby Girl is still a girl, thank goodness! I was so amazed to see those three little white lines on the ultrasound...Dr. Google wasn't kidding when he said that that's what the ultrasound techs look for! It was clear as day to me.

• My cervix is exceedingly competent, thankyouverymuch. Mom had an incompetent cervix with all three of us, causing her to receive a cerclage and to be induced all three times. It's unlikely, but possible, for that condition to be inherited, so the main purpose of yesterday's ultrasound was to measure my cervix just to make sure. And I passed--woo hoo! All systems go.
  

• Yesterday baby measured at 22 weeks three days, while based on my LMP I was at 22 weeks six days. But according to C, my fabulous ultrasound tech, you can't get much closer than that. According to her, I'm measuring right on schedule. SO happy!

• I admit it, I'm nervous about the one-hour glucose test coming up in five weeks. We have no history of diabetes in our family, but I'm still concerned. Time will tell, I guess.

• No comments about my weight by either the nurse who weighed me or Dr. B. It's hard not to worry about that, though, considering that I'm not that proud of my eating habits these days. Not horrible, but not as good as I should be. I need to exercise more, too. *heavy sigh*

• Best news of all? Believe it or not, the OB's office is going to cover the bill in full that I received from the lab that did my AFP test. They charged me in full because my insurance refused to pay anything towards the test, saying that the lab is out of network. Turns out, my insurance is a fairly limited plan (oh joy), and my insurance company did send a memo to the office telling them that I wouldn't be covered, but the office folks didn't notice it or record it prior to doing the test. So Dr. B. felt that the office was responsible for failing to notify me beforehand. I could have had the test done through the hospital (which would have been considered in-network), but it would have been a more limited test, not the full scope that I was lucky enough to receive. (This is the second instance during this pregnancy in which one of my doctors decided that his clinic or office would cover an expense for me...the first one was my RE, who had his clinic purchase another sperm sample after his clueless receptionists managed to allow my original sperm sample to thaw. Doh!)
  

But overall, it's about as good an appointment as I could hope for. Nothing worrisome, no red flags, nothing but good news. Time to celebrate!!