I seriously love this show, even though I cry my eyes out at each episode. I think it's on the We channel, and I have my DVR set to record each and every episode that airs. To me it reinforces the eternal strength and pull of that mother-child bond, and I always end up kissing and hugging my girl extra hard after every episode I watch. I am SO thankful for her, every day and always.
Yet at the same time, I always end up feeling sad because I can't help wondering whether K will feel that need to try to find her donor someday. Not that she'd be successful, because I think she won't, considering how iron-clad the privacy and confidentiality laws are when it comes to sperm banks. I plan on framing her story as a beautiful, extra-special mystery that is supposed to remain a mystery because that's what makes it so special and unique. But my heart always breaks a little when I think about the possibility of her feeling some kind of hole in her identity because she won't know who her biological father is, ever. I don't even like to use the word "father" , biological or otherwise, because to me, a donor is NOT a father, not even close. I wish I had some answers. And I hope with every fiber of my being that my sweet girl will accept her mystery and be okay with it. She certainly has an extended family that completely adores her, so she won't be lacking for family members who think the world of her. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is something that runs through my mind a lot (when I let it). It is definitely a challenge to explain now and answer their questions later. I am taking it a day at a time and very slowly. Do you have The Family Book by Todd Parr? I found it is a good place to start--the SMC books are still way over H's head and he's almost 4.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, I do NOT want the word father used at all. He was (and is) my child's donor, not father. They're two different things.
ReplyDeleteI've heard other SMCs say they emphasize the good when the child brings up not having a dad when others do by saying, "Yes, but they don't have an Aunt Jamie or Uncle Brian, do they?" In fact, I've heard a few kids say that themselves. My baby isn't born yet, but I still worry about how he's going to feel without a father. It's going to be an interesting journey!
I plan to use the term "donor" instead of "father" or "daddy"...I spent the better part of an evening making adjustments to the Baby Book I purchased, removing all daddy & father references...I contemplated changing the "we's" to "I's" but decided to leave it "we" & write those perspectives from my family's point of view...having family members think the world of K counts for more than something, it counts for a lot!
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of that show but it looks like I can watch episodes online - that is, if I ever have the time again. :) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI so wish your friend Lisa had a blog - I would love to know how she's managing her twin boys on her own so I could compare and get some tips!
Thank you all so much for your comments!! It really helps to hear other SMCs' feelings on the subject...proof positive that I also need to meet some SMC's IRL as well. :)
ReplyDelete@Lara - Thanks so much for the book suggestion! I will definitely look for that one!
@Shannon - Thank you so much for your perspective! I love the idea of focusing on the good! I am so going to steal that idea!!
@Tiara - I love your baby book ideas! I still haven't put K's together yet, and I definitely need to get on it!!
@MeAndBaby - At this point, I don't think Lisa has a blog because she doesn't have TIME! I know you know what it's like, too! Her boys are almost 6 months, and she's back teaching full-time, so life is pretty crazy. But if you're interested, I can definitely get you her email address so you can touch base. :)
Thanks Heather! I would love to email with her if that's okay with her. I'm curious if she manages bath time for two while home alone and how she's doing with a schedule. I struggle a little bit with both! Email me at meandbaby.meandbaby@gmail.com if she's up for some single mommas of twin boys chats!
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