Yep, you guessed it, that latest IUI was not successful. Honestly, I wasn't surprised since it was such an incredible long shot. I haven't really wanted to blog about it, to be honest, but I can't just say NOTHING about it, now, can I?! Not after mentioning the IUI in the first place.
So, yeah. It didn't work. And I'm definitely disappointed, but I can't really say that I've been consumed by the disappointment, either. Too many other things to do! I'm kinda-sorta leaving the door open for a possible IUI in February, BUT I haven't talked with my RE yet, so that's just really, really questionable. I really want his honest opinion first.
Right now I'm focusing on just enjoying my almost-four-year-old, looking forward to the holidays, and trying to picture us as a mom-and-daughter family. A family of two. Gotta watch some more Gilmore Girls... lol.
As far as kids are concerned, I really do feel like with my daughter, I won the Kid Lottery. She's just absolutely awesome. Not all the time, of course, but generally speaking? I just really, really love her to pieces. She's a lot of fun to spend time with, and I live for the weekends when I can spend the MOST time with her. Sometimes I really can picture us as a fantastic family of two. Other times I feel like there's a missing family member, which is really how I've felt up until now, ever since K was born. There's supposed to be somebody else in our family! Two kids, one mom, that's always how I've pictured us. So I've just been trying to re-envision our future together...
It's not easy, especially when I find myself wishing I had started this SMC process sooner. Maybe I could have had two kids after all. But K is just so meant-to-be that I can't imagine any other kiddo in her place. In my eyes, she's absolutely perfect. And I KNOW there are many, many advantages to having an "only" kid. But I still get to be sad for a little while longer.
I have the same thoughts as you and it's not that I'm not grateful for what I have but I also have the feeling there's another member of the family missing. Sorry it didn't work. If you decide in Feb to do another I'll be cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Heather. Of course you appreciate your daughter but it just really sucks that it has been so hard trying for #2. :-(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteAll your thoughts are so understandable. K IS awesome (aren't 3 year olds the best??). I hope you find the right decision about February. In the meantime, have a wonderful holiday with your girl!
I've probably said this to you before--sorry if I'm repeating myself, but after my (now much-loved) second was born, I was convinced I had ruined my firstborn's life. A few weeks later, I saw both sides and was completely certain that either way, our family would have been perfect. (This is meant to help, really; but even today, I'm not sure what it all means--just that the feelings were strong.) Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. You get to be sad as long as you need to be...it really sucks.
ReplyDelete