Just Us Girls

Just Us Girls

...one SMC's adventures in single motherhood.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Nope.

Yep, you guessed it, that latest IUI was not successful.  Honestly, I wasn't surprised since it was such an incredible long shot.  I haven't really wanted to blog about it, to be honest, but I can't just say NOTHING about it, now, can I?!  Not after mentioning the IUI in the first place.

So, yeah.  It didn't work.  And I'm definitely disappointed, but I can't really say that I've been consumed by the disappointment, either.  Too many other things to do!  I'm kinda-sorta leaving the door open for a possible IUI in February, BUT I haven't talked with my RE yet, so that's just really, really questionable.  I really want his honest opinion first.

Right now I'm focusing on just enjoying my almost-four-year-old, looking forward to the holidays, and trying to picture us as a mom-and-daughter family.  A family of two.  Gotta watch some more Gilmore Girls...   lol.
As far as kids are concerned, I really do feel like with my daughter, I won the Kid Lottery.  She's just absolutely awesome.  Not all the time, of course, but generally speaking?   I just really, really love her to pieces.  She's a lot of fun to spend time with, and I live for the weekends when I can spend the MOST time with her.  Sometimes I really can picture us as a fantastic family of two.  Other times I feel like there's a missing family member, which is really how I've felt up until now, ever since K was born.  There's supposed to be somebody else in our family!  Two kids, one mom, that's always how I've pictured us.  So I've just been trying to re-envision our future together...

It's not easy, especially when I find myself wishing I had started this SMC process sooner.  Maybe I could have had two kids after all.  But K is just so meant-to-be that I can't imagine any other kiddo in her place.  In my eyes, she's absolutely perfect.  And I KNOW there are many, many advantages to having an "only" kid.  But I still get to be sad for a little while longer.

5 comments:

  1. I have the same thoughts as you and it's not that I'm not grateful for what I have but I also have the feeling there's another member of the family missing. Sorry it didn't work. If you decide in Feb to do another I'll be cheering you on.

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  2. I'm sorry, Heather. Of course you appreciate your daughter but it just really sucks that it has been so hard trying for #2. :-(

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  3. I'm sorry. :(

    All your thoughts are so understandable. K IS awesome (aren't 3 year olds the best??). I hope you find the right decision about February. In the meantime, have a wonderful holiday with your girl!

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  4. I've probably said this to you before--sorry if I'm repeating myself, but after my (now much-loved) second was born, I was convinced I had ruined my firstborn's life. A few weeks later, I saw both sides and was completely certain that either way, our family would have been perfect. (This is meant to help, really; but even today, I'm not sure what it all means--just that the feelings were strong.) Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.

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  5. I'm so sorry. You get to be sad as long as you need to be...it really sucks.

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