Worried.

And I'm trying not to be, but it's not working. It's like this dark shadow that's constantly in the background of the daily minutiae. We have an appointment on March 22nd with the opthalmologist at a place called The Children's Eye Center. I'm glad we have the appointment (really glad) because I want to be proactive about it...I've noticed that when she focuses on things that are close-up, K's eyes have a pronounced cross to them. And according to her pediatrician, this should be getting less noticeable, not more. I'm noticing it more and more, and there are times when she'll look up at me from whatever she was doing and her eyes stay crossed a little bit instead of lining up correctly. Not every time, but definitely more often.

Truth be told, I'm completely freaked out because I'm afraid this might be forecasting a lot of vision problems to come, and that's the last thing I want for her. I have to keep reminding myself that it's still so early--she's only twelve months old--and there's lots of time for correction, whatever that might entail. According to her main caregiver at daycare, whose grandkids dealt with it, they typically start with a patch and then move on to glasses. I'm fine with both of those options, but it's the unknown that's really freaking me out.

I know I'll feel a lot better once I find out what Dr. Lee has to say. We saw him once back in September about her blocked tear duct, and he mentioned that he thought she was more farsighted than a lot of other babies her age, which certainly fits in terms of the eye crossing. (I'm a bit confused by that, since I'm extremely nearsighted and K's donor didn't need any vision correction, according to his profile. There is no farsightedness in my family at all. But I'm sure it happens as a fluke, too...doesn't need to be inherited.) Apparently what can happen, if it's left untreated, is that the brain stops being able to interpret what the eyes might actually be seeing, and vision can actually be lost...such a scary thought.

I hate the idea of my precious girl having "special needs" in any way at all...I really hope this works out in the best possible scenario. Perhaps I know too much...I see how the kids at the middle school where I teach bully one another, especially kids who are even the slightest bit different, and it truly breaks my heart. Fighting against bullying is an uphill battle on a daily basis, and we do the best we can, but...

Only ten more days to go, and then I will get to rest a little easier. Like I said, it's the not knowing that's so hard.