Hopeful

Well, I did it. I called our sperm bank today. I was really curious about the status of K's donor, and I wanted to see what they could tell me regarding how many units there are left, what I would need to do to purchase units again, and so on. As I was already aware, K's donor is no longer making donations. As of today he has 33 units left, and there doesn't seem to be that much demand. He's been around for a long time now. But as the woman who answered the phone told me, you never can tell...someone could easily come along and purchase ten units. She suggested checking in every few months to see how many units there still were. When I mentioned that I was thinking about starting up again as soon as August, she said she thought I had nothing to worry about. So I have to download and fill out four forms, including one that needs to be signed by my RE. Which means...I need to make that appointment with my RE, and soon.

So yeah, as this post seems to indicate, I guess I'm back to wanting to go forward with number two, or at least give him/her a fair try. A lot of the time I still have this sick feeling in my stomach, wondering whether I'm making the right decision, wondering whether I might have regrets after I become pregnant. What if I do achieve pregnancy a second time and then figure out, after the fact, I can only handle/afford/manage life with one child and not two? Half of me is beyond excited to envision another baby and the other half is still questioning whether it's the right thing to do.

I spent some time last night searching out daycare options just to see what else is out there...one of the best results of my search was discovering another large church-based daycare center in my town that offers preschool starting at age two and a half, for a VERY reasonable cost, more than $50 less per week than our current daycare. That's, like, next school year (after the upcoming one), right after I would deliver this prospective baby. So I guess I'm back to thinking that the daycare behemoth is--gasp--almost doable. If I were to have K attend this other daycare as soon as next year, it would be $10 less per week than where she goes now, which to me is not much of a difference. I did reserve a spot for her for next year at our current daycare for a $90 deposit. Sure beats paying each week throughout the summer, something so many of the home-based daycares demand. I'm left thinking that there are options out there that might just work for us.

Sometimes I wish I had a partner just so I could have someone to help me make this difficult decision!!!!!!!!!