Seriously, I love you all for your very supportive comments on my last post!!! It completely warms my heart to know that we're all on the same page, and it's not just me who feels that way. I've often questioned my choice of moderated comments, since up until yesterday I hadn't received any even remotely angry comments. But it's kind of nice to be able to process a particular comment for a bit and frame my response accordingly.
You all made my month, I can't even tell you! (also possibly because I only have one SMC friend IRL, and being a single mom can often feel so isolating.) I sure don't feel quite so isolated after reading your heartwarming comments!
Seriously! I love you all!!! You rock, sisters!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Dear Anonymous Commenter,
This was an anonymous comment left in response to yesterday's post:
"I'm curious as to why a comment such as "I'm a single mom this weekend" gets you all so riled up? You CHOSE to be a single mom. I CHOSE to get married and have kids and not be a single mother. I respect your choice completely, but it was YOUR choice. My husband is a very present father but there are times when he is traveling that I complain "I'm tired of being a single mom" or "This single mom gig is tough." I complain, because I didn't choose to be a single mom and when I am one for a few days not by choice, I feel the pressure. I appreciate having my hubby as my co-parent. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single parent, I think you are being way over-sensitive and judgmental toward those of us who are not single parents. We still get exhausted by parenthood too - especially when we are used to having a partner to help and he's not around for a few days."
So here is my response:
First of all, why are you anonymous? Why don't you own your comments and sign your name to them? I'll never understand why some people choose to comment anonymously. To me it's a sign of...at best, insecurity, at worst, cowardice.
Dear Anonymous,
You are absolutely right that I CHOSE (your capital letters) to be a single mom. I don't regret my choice for a single moment, especially when I look at my much-loved, amazing daughter and I feel proud that I made my dream come true. But the point of my last post--one of very few vent posts I have written, by the way, in the nearly three years I've been blogging--was not about the choices you and I have made. As you stated, you respect my choice, and I definitely respect yours. With no judgment or hostility about it whatsoever. Unlike you, I know that it's not an "us versus them" kind of situation. Our goal is exactly the same: to raise happy, healthy, thriving children.
You claim that I am "being way oversensitive and judgmental" towards people who are not single parents, which could not be further from the truth. I have many, many friends and family members who are happily married and are fantastic parents, and yes, they do feel exhausted at times, just as single parents do. Every parent, regardless of how he or she became a parent, has the right to feel exhausted. I wouldn't dream of saying otherwise.
But there are also some core differences between being a married parent and being a single parent--not just exhaustion--which was the point of my post and apparently the part that you missed. For you to flippantly refer to yourself as a "single" parent just because your partner wasn't around for a few days (oh! the horror!) does a disservice to every single parent out there, whether by choice or by circumstance, who is living the reality of not having a partner indefinitely, not just for a few days. You are absolutely right that I CHOSE to be a single mom, but don't equate your reality with mine, choice or not. It's simply not the same. As I said in my post, you still have emotional support from a partner, financial support and resources, input for making important parenting decisions, and even just simple company after the kids are in bed. These are HUGE differences. And just because I chose to be a single parent doesn't mean that I don't have the right to miss those things. Given the choice between having a child and never becoming a parent, yes, it's still completely worth it to me, no question. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. But even though we share the same goal of raising happy, healthy kids, our day-to-day reality is not the same. This doesn't mean that I resent married parents, because I don't. It just means that flippantly referring to yourself as a "single mom" just because your partner is away for a few days is patently untrue and offensive.
The other aspect of my frustration with my FB friend, which my post may not have made clear and which has been building up a bit over time, is the intensity and duration of her complaining about her pregnancy. I feel a strong affinity towards those in the infertility community, and I don't have much patience with someone who doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that she's able to easily get pregnant in the first place. Does that mean that I am "being way oversensitive and judgmental" towards all pregnant women? Not even close.
Is this a big deal, in the grand scheme of things? Nope, not at all. It was just a vent post, about one person on Face.book. Best case scenario, Anonymous, you'll understand a little more about how many single moms--not just me--feel about privileged married moms casually tossing around the phrase "Oh, I'm a single mom!" at the least provocation. Just read the other comments--written by people who actually signed their names--and perhaps you'll understand a bit better.
Best,
Heather
"I'm curious as to why a comment such as "I'm a single mom this weekend" gets you all so riled up? You CHOSE to be a single mom. I CHOSE to get married and have kids and not be a single mother. I respect your choice completely, but it was YOUR choice. My husband is a very present father but there are times when he is traveling that I complain "I'm tired of being a single mom" or "This single mom gig is tough." I complain, because I didn't choose to be a single mom and when I am one for a few days not by choice, I feel the pressure. I appreciate having my hubby as my co-parent. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single parent, I think you are being way over-sensitive and judgmental toward those of us who are not single parents. We still get exhausted by parenthood too - especially when we are used to having a partner to help and he's not around for a few days."
So here is my response:
First of all, why are you anonymous? Why don't you own your comments and sign your name to them? I'll never understand why some people choose to comment anonymously. To me it's a sign of...at best, insecurity, at worst, cowardice.
Dear Anonymous,
You are absolutely right that I CHOSE (your capital letters) to be a single mom. I don't regret my choice for a single moment, especially when I look at my much-loved, amazing daughter and I feel proud that I made my dream come true. But the point of my last post--one of very few vent posts I have written, by the way, in the nearly three years I've been blogging--was not about the choices you and I have made. As you stated, you respect my choice, and I definitely respect yours. With no judgment or hostility about it whatsoever. Unlike you, I know that it's not an "us versus them" kind of situation. Our goal is exactly the same: to raise happy, healthy, thriving children.
You claim that I am "being way oversensitive and judgmental" towards people who are not single parents, which could not be further from the truth. I have many, many friends and family members who are happily married and are fantastic parents, and yes, they do feel exhausted at times, just as single parents do. Every parent, regardless of how he or she became a parent, has the right to feel exhausted. I wouldn't dream of saying otherwise.
But there are also some core differences between being a married parent and being a single parent--not just exhaustion--which was the point of my post and apparently the part that you missed. For you to flippantly refer to yourself as a "single" parent just because your partner wasn't around for a few days (oh! the horror!) does a disservice to every single parent out there, whether by choice or by circumstance, who is living the reality of not having a partner indefinitely, not just for a few days. You are absolutely right that I CHOSE to be a single mom, but don't equate your reality with mine, choice or not. It's simply not the same. As I said in my post, you still have emotional support from a partner, financial support and resources, input for making important parenting decisions, and even just simple company after the kids are in bed. These are HUGE differences. And just because I chose to be a single parent doesn't mean that I don't have the right to miss those things. Given the choice between having a child and never becoming a parent, yes, it's still completely worth it to me, no question. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. But even though we share the same goal of raising happy, healthy kids, our day-to-day reality is not the same. This doesn't mean that I resent married parents, because I don't. It just means that flippantly referring to yourself as a "single mom" just because your partner is away for a few days is patently untrue and offensive.
The other aspect of my frustration with my FB friend, which my post may not have made clear and which has been building up a bit over time, is the intensity and duration of her complaining about her pregnancy. I feel a strong affinity towards those in the infertility community, and I don't have much patience with someone who doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that she's able to easily get pregnant in the first place. Does that mean that I am "being way oversensitive and judgmental" towards all pregnant women? Not even close.
Is this a big deal, in the grand scheme of things? Nope, not at all. It was just a vent post, about one person on Face.book. Best case scenario, Anonymous, you'll understand a little more about how many single moms--not just me--feel about privileged married moms casually tossing around the phrase "Oh, I'm a single mom!" at the least provocation. Just read the other comments--written by people who actually signed their names--and perhaps you'll understand a bit better.
Best,
Heather
Sunday, August 28, 2011
"Single" moms [vent]
I admit it. I don't have much patience or sympathy for a happily married, financially secure woman--in this case, a Face.book "friend"--who claims to be a "single" mom while her husband is out of town. I am very sure that it must be hard to be pregnant, missing your husband, who is currently deployed, and running the show on your own with three young boys to care for, but all that being said, she still has many more advantages than truly single moms like myself, such as...oh, I don't know, emotional support, financial resources, input for important parenting decisions, simple company after the kids are in bed...I could go on and on. She still has all that (well, maybe not the company part), even while her husband is deployed.
I am feeling quite ticked off right now, and I needed someplace to vent, so here I am. And it's more about her ridiculously privileged FB friends who chimed in and said, "Oh yes, you are definitely a single mom!" This is after I commented, agreeing with another commenter who remarked that she is lucky that she's not a single mom: "Yup. You have a lot more advantages than single moms like myself. Hang in there." These are women without a clue, who don't realize how good they got it.
This woman has been whining incessantly since her husband left...about all things pregnancy (she's 13 weeks along) and missing her husband and how hot it is in Louisiana and being frustrated with her three boys and not wanting to eat and not being able to sleep and not having enough energy to live her life and...well, you get the idea. Regarding the pregnancy thing, I have NO sympathy when it comes right down to it. She's been pregnant three times before so she knows the drill. No surprise there. And she's downright lucky to be able to get pregnant in the first place and to be able to bring her babies to term. And regarding missing her husband? Hell, at least she has a husband in the first place.
I really think she just needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with her temporarily-difficult situation...oh, and she needs to count her blessings as well. And I need to figure out how to hide her posts for a while until this desire to unfriend her isn't quite so strong.
Thanks for letting me vent.
/end of rant
I am feeling quite ticked off right now, and I needed someplace to vent, so here I am. And it's more about her ridiculously privileged FB friends who chimed in and said, "Oh yes, you are definitely a single mom!" This is after I commented, agreeing with another commenter who remarked that she is lucky that she's not a single mom: "Yup. You have a lot more advantages than single moms like myself. Hang in there." These are women without a clue, who don't realize how good they got it.
This woman has been whining incessantly since her husband left...about all things pregnancy (she's 13 weeks along) and missing her husband and how hot it is in Louisiana and being frustrated with her three boys and not wanting to eat and not being able to sleep and not having enough energy to live her life and...well, you get the idea. Regarding the pregnancy thing, I have NO sympathy when it comes right down to it. She's been pregnant three times before so she knows the drill. No surprise there. And she's downright lucky to be able to get pregnant in the first place and to be able to bring her babies to term. And regarding missing her husband? Hell, at least she has a husband in the first place.
I really think she just needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with her temporarily-difficult situation...oh, and she needs to count her blessings as well. And I need to figure out how to hide her posts for a while until this desire to unfriend her isn't quite so strong.
Thanks for letting me vent.
/end of rant
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The countdown begins [UPDATED]
I've finally realized that my stress level is rising, and it's not (just)because school is back in session. Today (Tuesday) is CD2, so it's time to think about meds (Fem.ara) and timing for my trigger shot and so forth. The little swimmers are ready, happily ensconced in the deep freeze at my RE's office, and I'm starting to get nervous...mainly because I still have to have one last hoop to jump through, one final round of bloodwork consisting of testing for a few STD's. (which I find very funny...sex life? What sex life?!) I'm getting very nervous because I'm worried about not having enough time to get the results back to my RE before showtime. I put a call in to his office yesterday about calling in my script for Fem.ara and...an embarrassing admission. I got the STD cultures done, but somehow managed to misplace the order he gave me for the bloodwork, so now I need him to rewrite it for me so I can stop by his office and pick it up. I mean, seriously, how irresponsible. But hey, it's a small piece of paper! [sigh] The trick tomorrow is going to be being available to take his call when he calls back...I can't exactly talk with him if I'm in the middle of class with 25 middle school kids, and I only have two planning periods--one taken up by a parent conference--plus a half hour lunch break. And he's a very busy doctor too. We'll see how it pans out.
...breathe...must breathe...
If today is CD2, my iui will probably take place around Monday, September 5th. Yikes!
UPDATE: Things seem to be working out in my favor, though now there are a few extra hoops to jump through. I do have to get the bloodwork done in an outpatient lab, and I have to get that done ASAP. I was finally able to take my RE's call as I was out running a quick errand during my morning planning period, though I actually had to step out of the office I was at in order to take the call in private. He called back a second time and I was able to answer that call in private as well. He called in my script today, so I'll need to pick it up tomorrow. I also have to actually pick up the results of the STD cultures *in person* from my OBGYN's office and hand-deliver them to my RE, which will be a huge pain in the butt...but I guess if it leads to a baby it's worth it! So lots of legwork just to make this whole thing happen. I was under the impression at first that I would have to have several appointments for bloodwork and monitoring, at $50 a pop, but now it's just next Thursday to check the status of my follies and decide about triggering, so that helps me save at least a little money. This monitoring stuff really adds up, but I continue to be convinced that it's what made the difference for me in the iui that worked. One baby step at a time, no pun intended. :)
...breathe...must breathe...
If today is CD2, my iui will probably take place around Monday, September 5th. Yikes!
UPDATE: Things seem to be working out in my favor, though now there are a few extra hoops to jump through. I do have to get the bloodwork done in an outpatient lab, and I have to get that done ASAP. I was finally able to take my RE's call as I was out running a quick errand during my morning planning period, though I actually had to step out of the office I was at in order to take the call in private. He called back a second time and I was able to answer that call in private as well. He called in my script today, so I'll need to pick it up tomorrow. I also have to actually pick up the results of the STD cultures *in person* from my OBGYN's office and hand-deliver them to my RE, which will be a huge pain in the butt...but I guess if it leads to a baby it's worth it! So lots of legwork just to make this whole thing happen. I was under the impression at first that I would have to have several appointments for bloodwork and monitoring, at $50 a pop, but now it's just next Thursday to check the status of my follies and decide about triggering, so that helps me save at least a little money. This monitoring stuff really adds up, but I continue to be convinced that it's what made the difference for me in the iui that worked. One baby step at a time, no pun intended. :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Words cannot even describe how beautiful this is...
My cousin Jen (along with her husband Chris and her fabulous son Kyle) has a brand-new daughter! My heart is so full right now that I can't even put it all into words. AnXiang--her American name will be Lorelei--is their newly adopted beautiful Chinese daughter, and the pictures of their new family of four are simply spectacular! AnXiang is the answer to many, many prayers, and she is equally thrilled to be joining their family. Just check out her beautiful smile:
I can hardly believe their dream has finally come to fruition! Check out Jen's blog with their complete story here. Even though they don't speak the same language, I love how AnXiang and Kyle are "two peas in a pod" (in Jen's words):
I love happy endings (and beginnings!)!! Sending so much love to this incredible new family!
I can hardly believe their dream has finally come to fruition! Check out Jen's blog with their complete story here. Even though they don't speak the same language, I love how AnXiang and Kyle are "two peas in a pod" (in Jen's words):
I love happy endings (and beginnings!)!! Sending so much love to this incredible new family!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Born with a Broken Heart
My cousin David's band, David Wax Museum! They're based out of Boston, and they performed at a house concert at my cousin Beth's house in Denver tonight. David and Suz are two of the sweetest people I think I've ever met, and we all had a blast! This song is my favorite, and I LOVELOVELOVE the video! Simply put, despite the title, this song just makes me happy.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Onward!
Onward in so many ways. I am now back in school (just teacher stuff, kids show up next Wednesday) and K is back in daycare...with her first cold, it appears. She's only been back for two and a half days! Sheesh. I'm hoping it's just the sniffles. I'm feeling a little scratchy this morning, so it's off to find the Cold Eeze.
So far things have been going well in the new Toddler Room...she's had good days ever since we started this past Wednesday. She's been sleeping well on her cot, she's been eating fairly well, and she's already found toys she loves. I really think she enjoys playing with the other kids, and the outside toddler playground is *fabulous*. That's one of the best selling points of this daycare for me...wood chips all around and SO much great playground "equipment" sized just right for toddlers! The neighborhood parks don't even compare for someone her size. Oh, and I really like her new teachers...I wasn't so sure about one of them at first, but now I know what she's really like, and she's terrific.
I am off to Denver on Tuesday morning to pick up some...um...frozen genetic material! :) What's really great about my sperm bank is the fact that if I can show up in person with my own cooler plus dry ice, the handling fee is only $20. Shipping is over $100 more than that. I live less than an hour from Denver, so I think it's going to work really well. My sperm bank is actually located in Loveland, an hour and a half away, but they have a satellite office in Denver, which is SO much more convenient. I'll drive from Denver right back to my RE's office so they can put the little swimmers in their deep freeze until early September. I still have to get a little bit of bloodwork done, hopefully today at an outpatient lab, but everything else is done and ready for my next cycle. It may sound a little nonsensical, but I plan to buy the sperm only one vial at a time instead of buying several and storing them. This will be my last baby, so I see no reason to buy ahead...I don't want to have any leftovers, so I'm going to take it one cycle at a time. Plus, with daycare, I'm a girl on a budget! Fortunately our donor hasn't sold *any* units over the past month and a half, so there is still a good supply. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the whole endeavor.
K and I are off to Denver tonight with my aunt, uncle, and grandmother to see my cousin's band, David Wax Museum, give a house concert at my cousin Beth's house! I am beyond excited...David's band has been performing across the country and internationally to rave reviews, and I can't believe I get to see them play in my cousin's living room!! They're in Denver to film a music video, and my cousins offered to host this house concert--they jumped at the opportunity. I'll let you know how it goes. :) Can't wait!
Very sad news in SMCland...baby Finn and baby Carys have some challenges ahead of them, and their mamas are needing some serious support...my heart hurts for them. Please stop by and give them some love when you get a chance.
So far things have been going well in the new Toddler Room...she's had good days ever since we started this past Wednesday. She's been sleeping well on her cot, she's been eating fairly well, and she's already found toys she loves. I really think she enjoys playing with the other kids, and the outside toddler playground is *fabulous*. That's one of the best selling points of this daycare for me...wood chips all around and SO much great playground "equipment" sized just right for toddlers! The neighborhood parks don't even compare for someone her size. Oh, and I really like her new teachers...I wasn't so sure about one of them at first, but now I know what she's really like, and she's terrific.
I am off to Denver on Tuesday morning to pick up some...um...frozen genetic material! :) What's really great about my sperm bank is the fact that if I can show up in person with my own cooler plus dry ice, the handling fee is only $20. Shipping is over $100 more than that. I live less than an hour from Denver, so I think it's going to work really well. My sperm bank is actually located in Loveland, an hour and a half away, but they have a satellite office in Denver, which is SO much more convenient. I'll drive from Denver right back to my RE's office so they can put the little swimmers in their deep freeze until early September. I still have to get a little bit of bloodwork done, hopefully today at an outpatient lab, but everything else is done and ready for my next cycle. It may sound a little nonsensical, but I plan to buy the sperm only one vial at a time instead of buying several and storing them. This will be my last baby, so I see no reason to buy ahead...I don't want to have any leftovers, so I'm going to take it one cycle at a time. Plus, with daycare, I'm a girl on a budget! Fortunately our donor hasn't sold *any* units over the past month and a half, so there is still a good supply. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the whole endeavor.
K and I are off to Denver tonight with my aunt, uncle, and grandmother to see my cousin's band, David Wax Museum, give a house concert at my cousin Beth's house! I am beyond excited...David's band has been performing across the country and internationally to rave reviews, and I can't believe I get to see them play in my cousin's living room!! They're in Denver to film a music video, and my cousins offered to host this house concert--they jumped at the opportunity. I'll let you know how it goes. :) Can't wait!
Very sad news in SMCland...baby Finn and baby Carys have some challenges ahead of them, and their mamas are needing some serious support...my heart hurts for them. Please stop by and give them some love when you get a chance.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
First haircut!
The official "before" picture...I can't believe how long her hair had grown in the back!
(Does this count as a baby mullet?!)
"I'm not so sure about this, Mom..."
"Well, maybe it's okay, as long as I can watch this here TV..."
So far, so good!
"All done! Now get this pink cape offa me!"
The finished product, along with a little pink bow we got to pick out!
She wasn't keen on actually sitting in the car chair for the haircut itself (she sat on my lap instead), but once it was all over, she was fine with the photo op!
"So what's everyone else doing? And more importantly, can they see my little pink bow?!"
"I give this haircut experience five stars!"
"Mom, I really like this car thing! Can I drive us both home?"
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