Just Us Girls

Just Us Girls

...one SMC's adventures in single motherhood.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

"Single" moms [vent]

I admit it. I don't have much patience or sympathy for a happily married, financially secure woman--in this case, a Face.book "friend"--who claims to be a "single" mom while her husband is out of town. I am very sure that it must be hard to be pregnant, missing your husband, who is currently deployed, and running the show on your own with three young boys to care for, but all that being said, she still has many more advantages than truly single moms like myself, such as...oh, I don't know, emotional support, financial resources, input for important parenting decisions, simple company after the kids are in bed...I could go on and on. She still has all that (well, maybe not the company part), even while her husband is deployed.

I am feeling quite ticked off right now, and I needed someplace to vent, so here I am. And it's more about her ridiculously privileged FB friends who chimed in and said, "Oh yes, you are definitely a single mom!" This is after I commented, agreeing with another commenter who remarked that she is lucky that she's not a single mom: "Yup. You have a lot more advantages than single moms like myself. Hang in there." These are women without a clue, who don't realize how good they got it.

This woman has been whining incessantly since her husband left...about all things pregnancy (she's 13 weeks along) and missing her husband and how hot it is in Louisiana and being frustrated with her three boys and not wanting to eat and not being able to sleep and not having enough energy to live her life and...well, you get the idea. Regarding the pregnancy thing, I have NO sympathy when it comes right down to it. She's been pregnant three times before so she knows the drill. No surprise there. And she's downright lucky to be able to get pregnant in the first place and to be able to bring her babies to term. And regarding missing her husband? Hell, at least she has a husband in the first place.

I really think she just needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with her temporarily-difficult situation...oh, and she needs to count her blessings as well. And I need to figure out how to hide her posts for a while until this desire to unfriend her isn't quite so strong.

Thanks for letting me vent.
/end of rant


  1. There are a few people who've made the we'll I'm like a single mom comment to me. I pretty much ignore it because I know they have no clue about what that really means. I suppose if I want to be really benevolent I could say we all complain to some extent, but the whining about being pregnant multiple times with no help from ART, well I'm just not that benevolent.

  2. Ugh! I really do hate when women say that because to them it is a negative. Being a single mama ROCKS! It's also lots harder than they think.

    This post on the topic is pretty good:

    You should try whining about feeling like a deployed family because you have to do everything alone so it must be similar. I bet that would get her all riled up about it not being the same at all. Then you can sit back and smirk while it goes completely over her head.

    (I absolutely realize that families dealing with deployments have it rough and I'm in no way saying that it's easy)

  3. Put on her big girl panties is right! These type of FB posts are so frustrating

  4. I can't agree with you more! Comments like "I'm a single mom this weekend. Can't wait until hubby gets home" drive me up the wall.

  5. Every time my neighbor's husband goes out of town for a few days, her mother comes to help take care of her two little girls. She needs help getting them up and ready for the daycare center and help bathing and putting them to bed at night? Really? I've been doing that by myself everyday for years! It drives me crazy--I mean, I'm glad she has a supportive mom, but come on--at least try putting on big girl panties for a day or two.

    My random thoughts: Sometimes, I think I miss the extended family a husband would bring but not the actual man himself. Unless of course, he looked like George Clooney. That's a different story.

  6. I'm curious as to why a comment such as "I'm a single mom this weekend" gets you all so riled up? You CHOSE to be a single mother. I CHOSE to get married and have kids and not be a single mother. I respect your choice completely, but it was YOUR choice. My husband is a very present father but there are times when he is traveling that I complain "I'm tired of being a single mom" or "this single mom gig is tough". I complain, because I didn't choose to be a single mom and when I am one for a few days not by choice, I feel the pressure. I appreciate having my hubby as my co-parent. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single parent, I think you are being way over-sensitive and judgemental towards those of us that are not single parents. We still get exhausted by parenthood too - especially when we are used to having a partner to help and he's not around for a few days.

  7. Oh Yes... I think I may have even done a similar post in the past. Drives. me. nuts...

  8. @Anonymous: Just so you know, many of us did NOT exactly "Choose" to be single mothers. Many of us were single mothers NOT-by-choice (i.e., dumped once we got pregnant, or making the courageous decision to leave an abusive or unhealthy relationship before our child was born or before our child got too much older). and MANY MANY MANY MANY of us "chose" to become MOTHERS once the reality of getting older w/o a good husband or partner in sight was setting in - NOT for lack of wishing and hoping and trying and always envisioning our lives would turn out some other way. So we CHOSE to become MOTHERS, even if we didn't exactly always dream of "choosing" to become a single mother. But rather than let circumstances and time get the best of us, we made the courageous decision to follow our dreams to mother a child, all the while knowing and fearing the reality of the day-to-day difficulties such a decision may bring, and while ALWAYS imagining or preferring our life to have turned out another way (i.e., to have been able to have done this WITH a partner before we ran out of time). So we made the decision to not abandon ALL of our dreams for our lives, to follow through and make at least the most important elements of our desired lives a reality b/c we knew we would be amazing parents. I know very FEW of us always dreamed or desired or envisioned we'd be "single mothers" by the time our first children were BORN. I don't think we're being judgmental of those of you fortunate enough to have a partner. And I really don't think we're being "overly-sensitive". But we are being realistic. And we would only hope some basic realism and BASIC sensitivity would enter into your awareness, words, and actions as well.

  9. I'm a SMC of twin girls. If there's anything I've learned in this journey, it's that your road is the most difficult road. People nonstop tell me about how they feel like a single parent when their husband is out of town and for them, it really is that much more difficult because they're used to having someone else there. For us, it's always been just us so that's the norm.

    I also hear from people who have kids close together that it's just like having twins! No, it's not but again, they may think it is.

    I could give example after example where people think their situation is SO HARD, but you know what? I know people who have it so much harder but for them, it is hard. And I don't try to play the pain olympics and act like my pain is more. It's just not worth it.

    These comments will always be there, in one form or another. I get that at some moments they hit you harder than others and you just need to get it out, but long term, let it go. You've made the best decisions for your life and it's working for you. Don't compare to what they have.

  10. ughhh, i have a friend EXACTLY like the woman you're reffering to, except in my case, she's not a facebook friend, she is my son's best-friend's mother, a woman whom i was bridesmaid for, and who calls me six times a day to bitch about her (in my view) PERFECT life. she is married, has two beatufil daughters, a home, two brand new cars, is completly healthy and is financially secure with an extensive family who supports her. i've been a single mom since day 1, it's the hardest thing ive ever done, but everyday is worth it. now if we compare my life with hers, you'll see why i often want to slap this friend of mine up the side of head and call her an ungrateful (insert curse word here) im single, have only one amazing child after losing 5 children to miscarriage, i live in an apartement, because i cant get my son a real home, drive a piece of crap, just had a year long battle with cervical cancer, and my parents (im an only child) live six thousand miles away. it drives me insane!!!! i would give up anything to be in her shoes, to live her perfect life, but i get buy it, brave a happy face and host the play dates only to see my son thrilled to see his best friend since birth. but at the end of day, i always feel better than her. she couldnt live my life for a week, she'd off herself quickly. i get so proud of myself and i see how strong i have to be to do it all, and she'll never know that, because she's so naive and blind to all her good fortune, and you single moms out there should take the "single mom" comments as compliments, it takes guts, and glory and a stength a non-single mom will never have to be what we are. they make reference it to as in it's hard, its damn near impossible, and they cant handle it. we do it daily. so be proud of the single mom status, we're the alpha moms.