Terrified.

I did it.

I called my RE's office and made a consultation appointment for July 12th. A hard phone call to make, believe it or not.

And I'm seriously terrified. Maybe because now I know what a BFP actually means...and yet I have no idea what it would be like to be a mom to two sweet babies.

They have a new policy of charging a $100 deposit to all new patients since they've had so many no-shows and cancellations just an hour before...but fortunately, after I told her I wasn't a new patient, I wasn't charged. My iui's aren't covered by insurance, but I do get to pay a co-pay for the initial appointment. So the plan is to talk with the RE and figure out which hoops I have to jump through (again) in order to proceed.

All day yesterday (when I made the phone call) I was surprisingly happy, kind of an I-have-a-secret feeling, and perhaps feeling like it might just be the right decision. I felt actual excitement about proceeding. Like maybe I can do this.

And if nothing else, if it doesn't work, it's a way to prove to myself and to K that I gave a second sibling a full-fledged try. No regrets, you know? Time will tell. :)