Change.

Wow, it's really starting to hit me, what a huge transition this will be.

It reminds me a little of what a woman might go through emotionally on the eve of her wedding, in the sense that she (and I) will no longer be "one". It's occurred to me that I am saying goodbye to my singleness, but in the best way possible. The end of a chapter: a long one, forty years' worth. People have asked me how I'm feeling these days, and I can't help thinking of it in emotional terms as well as the more obvious physical ones. I'm feeling it ALL: very nervous, excited, overwhelmed, thrilled, all of it. And sometimes it feels like I'm experiencing it all at the same time. I know these feelings will be magnified exponentially once baby girl actually gets here, and will be even further compounded by all the crazy hormonal surges. I'm just going to have to buckle my proverbial seatbelt and hold on. Everyone tells me to take it one day at a time, which I think is the best advice of all. Even as I've been getting ready for her arrival, I've tried to take things one task at a time, and it's worked well. Today Mom and I got the car seat all installed, and it looks great. (We both looked down at this car seat after it was all secured, and we both admitted that we were picturing a tiny little girl all bundled in there!) Her room could NOT look better. I really feel ready as far as having a great place for her to call her own.

What I can't wrap my brain around is the fact that in a matter of days, I will actually be a Mom! I will have this beautiful tiny girl to love and take care of and raise, and even though I can say till the cows come home that I know my life is going to change, it feels so surreal to be standing right here on the eve of all this change! (In some ways it feels just like standing at the edge of a cliff, about to jump off...) SO many emotions, and I can't even say which ones are dominating. I really feel all mixed up inside, but in a strange, calming way, I know that it's all okay. I understand that it's so unbelievably normal, and that goes for coupled moms-to-be as well as single ones like myself.

So here's the countdown: tomorrow is Sunday (last childbirth class), then Monday (payday! woot!), then I go in to the hospital on Tuesday night to start either Cervadil or Cytotec overnight, followed by Pitocin on Wednesday morning. March third. Oooo...that's 3/3/10! What a lovely number.

Wow, I can't wait...!

Hurry up and wait. [UPDATED]

Story of my life: waiting, waiting, waiting, oh, and some more waiting.

What I should be doing: sub plans for my long-term sub, deep-cleaning my bathroom, deep-cleaning my refrigerator, going through the piles of paper on my coffee table, steaming the kitchen floor, cleaning the oven (a big maybe).

But do I want to actually DO any of the aforementioned things? Yeah, not so much. (I'd really rather lounge around and watch TV, in all honesty.)

Hospital bag is packed, minus the last-minute stuff I can't pack yet 'cause I'm still using them, such as my cell phone charger, toiletries, etc.

Baby clothes are washed and put away.
Baby room is all done and waiting for its future inhabitant.
Diaper bag is stocked and ready.
Bedroom is presentable, at least. Not much else I really want or feel I need to do in there.

I'm having my car detailed tomorrow (hopefully). My plan, though, is to have the car seat temporarily installed in the car my mom is using while she's here (my grandmother's car) since I'm not convinced I'll feel up to driving home from the hospital...Mom will be taking care of that particular responsibility.

New diaper bag is *AWESOME*. Got it at 80 percent off due to it being a discontinued color. Originally $120, got it for $24, and it doesn't scream "DIAPER BAG!" whatsoever. What can I say, I'm a girl who loves a good bargain. Especially when it's something I absolutely love. Oh, and the box wasn't even stolen off the front porch. That's a coup in itself.

I have yet another monitoring appointment tomorrow, and this time Mom is coming with me! It's the first appointment to which I'm actually bringing someone with me. I'll be curious to find out what she thinks of my enigmatic ob. :) And I'm also very curious to find out whether I'm any more dilated or effaced.

And that's the news from Lake Wobegon. Wish I had more to tell! It's like the lull before the storm...

And here's the update:
2 cm dilated
still 50 percent effaced
[What? You wanted something exciting?! Ha!]

Data.

One cm dilated.
50 percent effaced.
She still needs to drop some. (I'm guessing +2 station)

Induction has been scheduled: March 2nd, 8:00 pm. (Actual due date is March 6th)

*sigh*

Time marches on, but not nearly fast enough for me.

Too good to be true?

Well, I really enjoyed last Sunday's childbirth class, but tonight's? Yeah, not so much.

Everything was fine until the very end: we watched a lengthy video all about relaxation techniques and ways to manage the pain in early labor, we practiced breathing through the tougher contractions (simulated by--no joke--squeezing one hand into a bag full of ice cubes for a minute or so), and some discussion of pain management interventions like analgesics and the almighty epidural.

Tonight was Lisa's first class, since the weather was awful last Sunday and she lives over a half hour away. I had already spoken with the instructor last week about the fact that we had been approved by the health organization we had registered with prior to the class: Lisa and I are both single moms-to-be without partners, we are both pregnant, and we hoped to take the class together, paying one couple's fee ($75.00) even though we are not technically a "couple", i.e. pregnant mom and labor coach. Last week the instructor told me that it wouldn't be a problem to give Lisa a book (hello, paperback magazine-type book, not something you could buy in a bookstore, etc.). So Lisa approached this woman and asked her about a book, and the instructor told her, out of my earshot until I walked up to join them, that the class is intended for one pregnant mom and one labor coach. She said something like, "They wouldn't approve of what's going on here." or "I don't like what's going on here." (Lisa was fuming after this woman said that to her.) Excuse me, but what's going on here? Nothing is going on here. We are not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes or swindle anyone or double-dip. I specifically asked the two women who work at the health organization where you register for the classes if Lisa and I could register to take the class together, explaining our single mom-to-be status, to make sure it wouldn't be a problem, that we wouldn't be accused of double-dipping, and they both said, oh no, no problem whatsoever. But apparently now it's a problem for the instructor. So now I will be calling this same health organization back tomorrow (and most likely talking to one of the two women I have already talked to about this) to find out what we should do. The last thing I want is for there to be any animosity or hostility from this instructor at the remaining two classes. It's hard enough that we are surrounded by happy couples (on Valentine's Day, no less), all the while knowing that we will be parenting our babies without partners to help us out. As Lisa put it to the instructor, "Surely there are other single mothers out there without labor coaches who want to take a childbirth class? What do they do?" (Apparently it wouldn't be a problem if either Lisa or I were NOT pregnant as well.) I'm ticked off because I made a point of asking two different people when I registered whether it would be a problem if my pregnant friend were to take the class with me. Everyone assured me that no, it would most definitely not be a problem. And it wasn't for the instructors who taught the newborn care class and the breastfeeding class that Lisa and I have already taken. This lady apparently takes issue with it. *sigh*

Time will tell.

In other news, relative to the previous post, NO, I guess I'm not all that close to delivery. But I still have a full two weeks until induction, so maybe that's a good thing. Tomorrow at my next monitoring appointment, my fabulous ob will be checking to see whether I'm dilated and/or effaced. Can't wait to find out where I stand.

Oh, and Saturday's baby shower was FABULOUS! But interestingly enough, I have been feeling some complicated emotions since then, which I will save for a future post.

Imminent?

Hmm...things *might* just be getting interesting. Or maybe it's all in my head. The jury's still out. I have this desire tonight to stay up late, despite how tired I am, and clean up my house top to bottom. Could be that nesting thing everyone's been telling me about...not that the urge is compulsive or anything, but I really just want it DONE. My mom arrives in town on Tuesday, I have a highly-anticipated baby shower on Saturday, and I know time is gonna fly between now and Tuesday. I admit it--I'm starting to panic just a little about having my house as clean as I envisioned before this little one arrives. Other possible signs? A LOT of discomfort all day today and tonight--not contractions, but definite soreness and achiness and pressure to the point of not really being able to get comfortable. Oh, and a few other potential indications that are a little bit too tmi to write about here. :) I am seriously starting to wonder. I had another monitoring appointment today, and I was amazed at how much kicking this little girl was doing...waaay more than usual. And normally she's very quiet during the day. I've heard that the opposite can actually be a sign of imminent labor, that babies get pretty quiet and try to conserve their energy for labor and delivery. Can't say from experience, that's for sure. Only time will tell...but I seriously find myself wanting to be ready NOW just in case.

Just a few bullets here and there...

• Time continues to march on...I can't believe my little ticker at the bottom of this blog shows only 24 days left! Am I ready? Hellz no, but I'm getting close. I'm trying to wrap my brain around how much my life is going to change in a matter of weeks--it's pretty daunting, to say the least.
  

• Monitoring continues to go well...my bp is back down to where it's supposed to be (for me). The highest it was was close to 150, which is much higher than I've ever seen before, but my doctor wasn't overly concerned at the time. Last Friday I had two talent shows at school that I've been so busy putting together since November, plus the usual school stresses that I had to leave behind right before I got to the office. No wonder my bp was a little high. But all that's done with, thank goodness. NST's--check. Biophysical profiles--check. Strep B culture--check. (negative) Growth scan--check. Baby girl is estimated to weigh six pounds, two ounces as of last week, and she's at the 54th percentile in growth, so that's good.

• Induction will be scheduled around March second at the latest, four days before my actual due date. But that's only if I don't go into labor naturally before then. Here's hoping.
  

• Went to my first childbirth class, and actually really enjoyed it! I'm the only single person there...the rest are all couples, but for whatever reason I still felt pretty comfortable. My friend Lisa is taking the class with me, but she wasn't able to make it last Sunday because of the horrible driving conditions. (She lives much further south than I do.) She'll join us this Sunday. We've already taken the breastfeeding 101 class and the newborn care class, so this is the third and last of the classes we'll be taking.

That's all I got for now. Time to get ready for yet another hectic school day. *sigh*

Monitoring

The Good:

• Two stolen packages (since January 8th) mysteriously arrived on my porch early yesterday morning. No idea where they came from or who had them--what stories would they tell if they could talk?--but I'm not complaining. :)
• GREAT customer service from both Eddie Bauer and FedEx. I should definitely let them know.
  
• I am now having non stress tests and biophysical scans done twice each week until delivery, which makes me feel VERY well taken care of. My doc is watching for signs of toxemia, in which case he'd arrange to induce in very short order. My bp has been a little more elevated than usual (for me), but still well within the range of normal. Ankles still swollen (bordering on unrecognizable) but hands, fingers, and face still relatively unscathed, which is a good sign.
• Baby girl is still kicking away as usual, and according to my OB, all is well. Measurements seem good, and I have a growth scan and cervix check scheduled for next week.
• Dr. OB says he wants me to stay pregnant for another two weeks, meaning he might try to stop contractions if they occur, but after that, he'll let nature take its course. Two WEEKS?! Yikes! That's so soon!
  
• The crib is now all put together, including the new crib mattress I bought last night, all bedding washed, and everything is looking quite adorable, if I don't say so myself.
• All of my baby gear/supplies "needs" are taken of, as far as I can tell. Sure, there are a few things I think of as luxuries on my registries, but they're purely "wishes" at this point. Hey, as long as she won't have to sleep in a dresser drawer, all is well. :) Oh, and I also received a car seat in very good shape (accident-free) from a friend of mine, so there's that, too.
• Baby shower #2 happening next Saturday! Can't wait!
• Mom will be arriving from New York the week of the 14th! So much to tell her and show her, and my family here in Colorado is looking forward to seeing her as well!
  

The Bad:

• I still have to do a ton of lesson plans for my as-of-yet-unhired-by-my-principal long-term sub, and I'm feeling completely apprehensive about the whole thing. I have to get on this, stat.
• Two talent shows this Friday, one during the school day, one that night. Thank goodness I have help from another colleague, but I'm just praying things go well. Not exactly something I envisioned doing while nearly nine months pregnant. If I can get through Friday, I'll be able to breathe a little easier. I'll have to remind myself that "This is supposed to be FUN!" Um...yeah.
• Oh yes, of COURSE midquarter grades are due by midnight the night before the talent shows. Because anything else would just be too easy.
  
• I am definitely feeling more anxious about the finish line, even though I'm also very excited about meeting this little girl. Trying so hard not to be too hypersensitive with my students.
• I really thought (and hoped) I'd be more debt-free by this point (weeks before her arrival) than I currently am. *sigh* Things aren't awful by any stretch, but I really hoped I'd have more on the ball.
• Baby has dropped, which for some inexplicable reason I feel a little bummed about ( as well as being excited). Maybe it's the understanding that this pregnancy journey is rapidly coming to an end.
  

The Ugly:

• My insurance requires me to pay a separate co-pay for all ultrasounds as well as usual OB appointments. Which means...every Monday I have a biophysical scan scheduled plus a regular appointment with the OB and an NST, and every Thursday just the NST part. So if I do the math, that's $90 a week in co-pays until delivery.