Wow, it's really starting to hit me, what a huge transition this will be.
It reminds me a little of what a woman might go through emotionally on the eve of her wedding, in the sense that she (and I) will no longer be "one". It's occurred to me that I am saying goodbye to my singleness, but in the best way possible. The end of a chapter: a long one, forty years' worth. People have asked me how I'm feeling these days, and I can't help thinking of it in emotional terms as well as the more obvious physical ones. I'm feeling it ALL: very nervous, excited, overwhelmed, thrilled, all of it. And sometimes it feels like I'm experiencing it all at the same time. I know these feelings will be magnified exponentially once baby girl actually gets here, and will be even further compounded by all the crazy hormonal surges. I'm just going to have to buckle my proverbial seatbelt and hold on. Everyone tells me to take it one day at a time, which I think is the best advice of all. Even as I've been getting ready for her arrival, I've tried to take things one task at a time, and it's worked well. Today Mom and I got the car seat all installed, and it looks great. (We both looked down at this car seat after it was all secured, and we both admitted that we were picturing a tiny little girl all bundled in there!) Her room could NOT look better. I really feel ready as far as having a great place for her to call her own.
What I can't wrap my brain around is the fact that in a matter of days, I will actually be a Mom! I will have this beautiful tiny girl to love and take care of and raise, and even though I can say till the cows come home that I know my life is going to change, it feels so surreal to be standing right here on the eve of all this change! (In some ways it feels just like standing at the edge of a cliff, about to jump off...) SO many emotions, and I can't even say which ones are dominating. I really feel all mixed up inside, but in a strange, calming way, I know that it's all okay. I understand that it's so unbelievably normal, and that goes for coupled moms-to-be as well as single ones like myself.
So here's the countdown: tomorrow is Sunday (last childbirth class), then Monday (payday! woot!), then I go in to the hospital on Tuesday night to start either Cervadil or Cytotec overnight, followed by Pitocin on Wednesday morning. March third. Oooo...that's 3/3/10! What a lovely number.
Wow, I can't wait...!