I don't know what's been up with this month, but it feels like I've been waiting forever for tomorrow's OB appointment. Yeah, yeah, I know that forever is an extremely relative term. But when it feels that way, how can you really compare? Yesterday I read a devastating post from a woman on the WTE due-in-March message board...I know I shouldn't have, that whole STAY POSITIVE! deal. But it's haunted me ever since, probably because she was as far along as I am now: fourteen and a half weeks.
CAUTION: you might want to skip over this next part...
In a nutshell, she woke up at 3 am and used the bathroom, and according to her account, her fourteen week old baby pretty much just fell out (not sure how that's possible, really), and she bled so much she passed out until they revived her at the hospital and set her up for a D and C. Not that I think I'm "safe" or anything...I know enough to realize that I'm not. Still very hopeful, but NOTHING is guaranteed. I also fully realize that the above account could very easily have been made up for attention, but I typically try to give others the benefit of the doubt. Anyway.
I can't WAIT to hear the heartbeat again tomorrow! Just for a little reassurance. No more ultrasounds until 20 weeks, as far as I know. I also can't wait to start feeling movement, which may happen in as little as two weeks from now. That will be VERY reassuring. I'm caught in that strange place between wanting to live in the now and enjoy every day, every week, every moment, and wanting to fast-forward through the next six months and just GET THERE. And being on the cusp of--gasp!--forty, fast-forwarding through my life is the LAST thing I should be wanting to do. But I seriously cannot wait. I can't wait to start showing (more), I can't wait to find out the gender, I can't wait to start feeling those little kicks. Which will eventually become BIGGER kicks. Because this may well be my only pregnancy, I should be focusing on enjoying every moment of it instead of hurrying it along, but I can't seem to help myself. I just can't. Wait. To. Get. There.