Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Welcome to Scaryville, population: ME.
Ugh. I had an unexpected doctor's appointment yesterday due to some seriously unexpected spotting. My first thought? "Here we go, the beginning of the end." Honestly, I was a little surprised that they insisted on having me come in the day before my scheduled appointment, because when it comes to spotting (as opposed to bleeding), what's one more day? But now, when I think about it, I'm actually kind of touched that Sandy, my nurse practitioner whom I've been seeing for years for the regular girly-bits stuff, didn't want me to panic any longer than necessary. So I went in, waited a while in the ultrasound room since there was someone else ahead of me, and couldn't really stop the tears as I waited for what felt like hours. I was pretty convinced that the moment that I had been dreading for the past nine weeks was imminent. She did the ultrasound, and I couldn't bring myself to even look in the direction of the screen, but then she said, "Here we go, and everything looks great." She even pointed out the little arms and legs all moving around (!!!), and I was so relieved, all I could do was cry. Strong heartbeat of 160 bpm, and the best part? Instead of measuring at 9w2d like I expected, the little bean is measuring at 9w6d...music to my ears. Yeah, I know ultrasounds can be off either way by a week or so, but I don't care...if that little one is looking strong and healthy, I'll take it! Sandy told me later that she really didn't want to have to tell me any bad news...she's been cheering me on in this endeavor since the very beginning--five years ago--when I first started asking questions about what donor insemination might entail. She didn't find any obvious reason for the spotting, and since it's now very slight (and brown, indicating old blood), it's not something to worry about. I'm just so relieved (did I mention that?!) that everything is looking good, and I'm starting to dare to imagine that I might actually end up with a baby in my arms in early March. What a thought.