Up, up, and away...

Twenty minutes flat.

That's how long it took tonight for Little Miss K to figure out how to climb stairs. Thank goodness I had an extra baby gate stashed away for just this special occasion. We'll work on practicing climbing the first couple of stairs together, when I can watch her--since going up is so much easier than coming down--and the rest of the time the baby gate will be set up at the very bottom of the staircase. I'm glad our staircase is carpeted, but so not glad that most of the staircase is "open", with a big ol' vertical gap between each step. Hopefully that punkin head can't fit through the gap. We'll soon find out, I guess.

The crazy thing is, she's only been crawling for the past three weeks or so. Yes, she's nearly fourteen months old. Before, she had no use for crawling since she scooted everywhere on her butt...so much more efficient when you can scoot carrying a toy in each hand. And I'll tell you, that girl scooted fast. Especially on linoleum. SO much fun to watch! I'm glad I took some video of it while I could. Now she crawls--fast--everywhere. Her pediatrician wasn't concerned as long as she was "moving with purpose", and boy, was she. I was so relieved once she started crawling because I really just wanted to see her crawl! I was so sure she was just going to skip that step and go right to walking. As it is, she loves to walk around holding onto the handle of her push toy, and she really moves! She cruises like crazy and has started standing for a few seconds here and there without holding on. But so far, as far as I know, she hasn't taken those first unassisted steps. It won't be long now, I'm sure. Maybe just a matter of taking a "leap" of faith, a matter of confidence. I'll be so excited to witness that! I'm sure it's just around the corner...

But first, the scooting:

Yikes.

Splintered.

My family has splintered.

That's the phrase that keeps running through my head. For the past almost-thirteen years, my extended family and I have worshipped at the same church: my aunt, my uncle, my grandmother, and me (and now little K too). K was baptized there last April third, the night before Easter, so yesterday was her baptismal birthday, so to speak. And my aunt and uncle are her godparents. Over the past year or so, there has been a lot of strife in our congregation because so many people, my uncle included, aren't happy with the way the pastor has (well, hasn't) been doing his job. A few weeks ago my uncle decided not to attend our church anymore, and has instead been investigating other churches to find a new church "home". I know full well it isn't about me whatsoever, but neither he nor my aunt bothered to let me know, and instead I found out from my grandmother that most likely I won't ever see him at our church again. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My aunt chose to stay...she is the church council president, a lot of people are depending on her, she has lots of good friends at the church, and she really cares about the well-being of the church and its congregation. A lot of the time, though, she's so busy doing church council things, singing in the choir, and deaconing, that she doesn't even sit with us during the services anymore. My grandmother's advancing age prevents her from attending every Sunday, though she goes whenever she feels up to it. So whereas before we used to all sit together and I could pretty much count on seeing everyone there every Sunday, now we're missing one family member for sure, and often we don't get to see the others, either.

It makes me incredibly sad. Sad, and angry/hurt that neither my aunt nor my uncle seem to care enough about K or me to even fill us in, as though my uncle doesn't think that his absence even makes an impact on us. Almost thirteen years, and now everything's changed. Not to mention that my aunt and uncle are K's godparents...I don't even know what to make of that. Hopefully time will help to ease how sad I feel about all this.

Thank you, I needed that!

Huge thanks to LoveYouAlready for turning me onto Kelle Hampton's amazing blog, Enjoying the Small Things. I truly feel like someone just opened a window and let in a fresh spring breeze, which I totally needed. Kelle is an incredible writer and an even more amazing photographer, and I'm finding that I totally lose myself in her words and pictures. Even just thinking about her blog makes me a bit emotional, because hers is a truly incredible story. If you haven't been over there to "meet" Kelle, Lainey, and Brett (as well as Austyn and Brandyn, her stepsons) and read Nella's birth story, run, don't walk, as soon as you can. You won't regret it, and her blog may just change your complete outlook, which it seems to have done for mine.

At this very moment, though, it's her music that's lifted my spirits. I was so in need of getting to know some new artists and songs, and I need to credit Kelle for my new-and-improved music player. The best part? I frequently pull up my blog at work just to listen to the music, and now I can bring Kelle's music to work with me, too! That completely makes me smile. (Because I so don't enjoy my job right now. But that's another post altogether.)

Her latest post, Over Easy, makes me absolutely want to run out and buy a brand-new 96-color box of Crayolas and a few coloring books. I might just do that. Right after I listen to a few more new songs, and smile.

Glasses!

These three pics, plus my header, are my favorites so far. They were all taken on her thirteen-month birthday on April 2nd. What a character!

This and that

Just a quick update...

• Glasses for K still haven't come in yet. I just want to get on with it already, get her started getting used to them over the weekend and send them to daycare with her sometime next week. Thank you, everyone, for your comments and stories...I'm much more at peace with the whole thing now than I was last week. Everything will ALL work out.
• Serious Weight Loss Plan starts on Friday. Only because it's April first, and I want to make great progress by the end of May at the very least. They always say you have a much better chance of achieving a goal by going public with it, so here it is. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it. I did lose 40 lbs before I got pregnant, so I know I can do it. It's all a matter of committing to it "officially" NOW. No more chocolate, Heather.
  
• Eight more weeks of school before summer break. And yes, I'm counting down. Seventh graders SUCK in the springtime, just in case you were wondering. The upside is the fact that I'm in the midst of planning an awesome and rejuvenating unit on incorporating art, photography, and writing (specifically poetry in response to art) that will get us through the end of the year. It'll culminate in a gallery-type of celebration for students and parents that will coincide with the spring choir, band and orchestra concert in May...can't wait.
  
• Our school talent show is on April 29th, so things are going to be busy this month as I get everything lined up for that.
• K turns 13 months on Saturday!! Woo hoo! This morning was a tad rough only because it was the very first time that K cried as though her heart would break when she realized I was dropping her off at daycare and actually LEAVING her there. She loves it there, but it's that separation anxiety thing in full force. She was so sad this morning as I left...yes, I did shed a few tears in the car on the way to school. But it's all part of her growing up, I know. The trade-off is how ecstatic she was to see me when I picked her up again this afternoon. I think we were equally happy to see one another after a long day.
• SO glad warmer weather is on its way...eventually. I have big plans for my backyard, even though it's pretty much the size of a postage stamp...grass seed needs to be sown, and I can't wait to plant flower and vegetable gardens back there. I have a wonderful vision of K and me hanging out back there together this spring and summer, enjoying the flowers and the great weather. Spring weather always puts me in a good mood!
  

Glasses!

*sigh*

I can't believe it. I've been processing this turn of events since Tuesday. Her little glasses haven't come in yet, but I know I'll feel better about it once they arrive (hopefully tomorrow). She's *very* farsighted, and her prescription is a strong one. Our next appointment with Dr. Lee is at the beginning of June, when he'll reevaluate the state of her vision and decide what's next, or perhaps tweak her prescription. The next step might be patching (to be worn with the glasses) and potentially surgery down the road. But Dr. Lee did say that he'd be very surprised if she actually ends up needing the surgery.

So what's on my mind, exactly?

• Does this make my baby "special needs", since babies with glasses are relatively rare?
• The unbelievable cost. I spent $500 on her glasses on Tuesday, and I'm afraid to even ponder how quickly she'll grow out of them. She's only 12 1/2 months old, and she's growing fast. I can't add her to my vision plan until November, so I'm stuck with these kinds of expenses until then.
• Will insensitive strangers make comments or even worse, make fun of her? How will I handle stupid questions??
• Buyer's remorse. I REALLY wish I had shopped around more before I placed the order for her glasses. I received horrible customer service at the children's eyeglass place that's located right inside the Children's Eye Center, especially as a first-time buyer of glasses for a baby. I should've just walked away and gone somewhere else. But I do like the frames I did order...sweet pale pink with an elastic band that goes around the back of her head. I just hope they fit...what if they're not the right size? I mean, are these things returnable?!
• So many options for frames for babies and toddlers...lots of decisions down the line as she grows and I have to buy new pairs. I can barely pick out frames for myself, which is why I haven't owned a pair of glasses in over ten years. (I wear contacts.)
• I really should order a pair of glasses for myself in the near future, which seems to be the general consensus of many other parents of babies in glasses...they say it helps when Mom wears 'em, too.
• Will the extra costs of keeping K in glasses be too prohibitive for trying again for baby #2? Which brings me to...why on earth can't I just be happy with the idea of only one child?? I can't really fathom spending a grand on each attempt that MIGHT NOT WORK now that I know how much a thousand bucks means for K and me. That's more than a month of daycare costs. And can I even risk waiting another year and trying again when I'm almost 43?

Okay, so you can see from the last unrelated bullet that I have more on my mind than just the glasses issue, but it all seems to lead into something else. Oh, and I also started a list of resources for parents of babies with glasses...just for me, but maybe it'll help someone else in the same boat, who knows.

Worried.

And I'm trying not to be, but it's not working. It's like this dark shadow that's constantly in the background of the daily minutiae. We have an appointment on March 22nd with the opthalmologist at a place called The Children's Eye Center. I'm glad we have the appointment (really glad) because I want to be proactive about it...I've noticed that when she focuses on things that are close-up, K's eyes have a pronounced cross to them. And according to her pediatrician, this should be getting less noticeable, not more. I'm noticing it more and more, and there are times when she'll look up at me from whatever she was doing and her eyes stay crossed a little bit instead of lining up correctly. Not every time, but definitely more often.

Truth be told, I'm completely freaked out because I'm afraid this might be forecasting a lot of vision problems to come, and that's the last thing I want for her. I have to keep reminding myself that it's still so early--she's only twelve months old--and there's lots of time for correction, whatever that might entail. According to her main caregiver at daycare, whose grandkids dealt with it, they typically start with a patch and then move on to glasses. I'm fine with both of those options, but it's the unknown that's really freaking me out.

I know I'll feel a lot better once I find out what Dr. Lee has to say. We saw him once back in September about her blocked tear duct, and he mentioned that he thought she was more farsighted than a lot of other babies her age, which certainly fits in terms of the eye crossing. (I'm a bit confused by that, since I'm extremely nearsighted and K's donor didn't need any vision correction, according to his profile. There is no farsightedness in my family at all. But I'm sure it happens as a fluke, too...doesn't need to be inherited.) Apparently what can happen, if it's left untreated, is that the brain stops being able to interpret what the eyes might actually be seeing, and vision can actually be lost...such a scary thought.

I hate the idea of my precious girl having "special needs" in any way at all...I really hope this works out in the best possible scenario. Perhaps I know too much...I see how the kids at the middle school where I teach bully one another, especially kids who are even the slightest bit different, and it truly breaks my heart. Fighting against bullying is an uphill battle on a daily basis, and we do the best we can, but...

Only ten more days to go, and then I will get to rest a little easier. Like I said, it's the not knowing that's so hard.