Can't find my zen happy place.

I don't know how other preggers women do it...the worry and anxiety I'm feeling right now is unreal. I'm 6w4d, and I feel like 12 weeks is *never* gonna get here. I think I've come to the conclusion that the Internet is NOT my friend because I've been treating it like a lifeline and all it does is tell me more stories of women who have lost their babies at 7, 8, 10 weeks. I feel like I should just *expect* to miscarry because the odds are stacked against me anyways. The pessimist in me has reared her ugly head and keeps asking, "Why should YOU get a healthy baby? What makes you think YOU deserve it?" Which then takes me to why no one has ever wanted/asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and all sorts of other dark places. I think part of the problem is that right now I don't have much to distract me (i.e. off for the summer, no job to go to yet) and once school starts, it'll get easier. I'm hoping, anyway. So I'm resolving to spend less time on the pregnancy message boards and more time focusing on what I want to get done before August twelfth, when we start all those teacher work days before school starts for real on August 18th.

And don't get me started on what this upcoming school year may hold for all of us...due to a nearby school closure, our school is expected to increase from 750 middle schoolers to 1100. Where we're gonna put 'em all, I have no clue. And the biggest group is eighth graders, oh joy. Thank goodness I can live in my happy little bubble of eager-to-please sixth graders who are still pretty much a joy to be around, until Christmas, anyway. :) I still work with a ton of amazing people whom I truly adore, but we also lost a lot of staff members who pretty much freaked out over not knowing what this school year may look like, and went elsewhere. To me in my current state of mind it feels like a huge black hole of scary unknown stuff. I really need to snap out of it, but I don't. know. how.